Funeral Planning for a Veteran: Military Honors, Flags, Headstones, and Arlington Eligibility

A veteran has died. The family is in the early days of grief, and decisions need to be made quickly: where to bury, when to hold the service, what military honors to request, what kind of casket or urn, what the headstone should look like.

The funeral home walks the family through the basics. But many families don't know what's available, what's free, what requires application, and how to make sure the service appropriately honors the veteran. This guide is the practical step-by-step.

The first 24-48 hours

Notify the funeral home of veteran status

Tell the funeral home director, immediately, that the deceased is a veteran. Provide:

• DD-214 (or arrange to get it)
• Death certificate (5-15 copies will be needed)
• Information about service (era, branch, awards)

The funeral home director is the primary coordinator for many of the veteran-specific elements. Their experience varies — some are deeply experienced with military funerals, some are not. Ask: "Have you arranged military funerals before? What do you handle, and what do we need to handle?"

Locate the DD-214

Without it, scheduling is delayed. If lost, request via SF-180 from the National Archives. eVetRecs (archives.gov/veterans) is faster but requires the veteran's account or executor authorization.

State veterans affairs offices often have copies of DD-214s and can provide them faster than the National Archives.

Decide: national cemetery, state veterans cemetery, or private?

This is the first major decision. Each has different processes and timelines.

National Cemetery:

• Plot, opening/closing, perpetual care, all at no cost
• Headstone provided
• Limited geographic options (where there's a national cemetery)
• Must apply for scheduling (typically through funeral home)

State Veterans Cemetery:

• Often free or low-cost for veterans (varies by state)
• Same headstones, flags, honors available
• More widespread than national cemeteries in some states

Private cemetery:

• Family chooses location and plot
• Family pays for plot and burial costs
• VA still provides headstone (with application)
• Veteran burial allowance ($893-$2,200) may help with some costs

Coordinating military funeral honors

Every honorably-discharged veteran is entitled to a baseline level of military funeral honors:

• At least 2 uniformed service members present
• Folding and presentation of the burial flag
• Playing of Taps (live bugler if available; otherwise recorded)

Additional honors available for specific veterans:

• Firing party (for full honors funerals; some veterans qualify based on retirement, awards, or specific status)
• Casket team / pallbearers
• Color guard

How to request:

• The funeral home contacts the appropriate service branch
• Branch coordinates with local honor guard or VFW/American Legion volunteer honor teams
• Schedule based on availability

If the funeral home doesn't know how, you can call:

• Army Funeral Honors: 502-613-8218 (or local installation)
• Navy: through nearest Navy installation
• Marine Corps: 877-MARINES (627-4637)
• Air Force: through nearest base
• Coast Guard: through district office

The honors detail typically arrives 30-60 minutes before the service. Coordinate with the funeral home.

The burial flag

Provided to the family at no cost for the funeral. Process:

• Funeral home requests the flag from any post office or VA facility
• Comes folded; will be unfolded on the casket for the service
• After honors, flag is folded into the traditional 13-fold triangle and presented to next of kin
• Family keeps the flag

A wood-framed display case is a common keepsake. Funeral homes sometimes provide them; otherwise inexpensive online.

Headstones and markers

For burial in a national cemetery:

• Headstone is provided
• Family selects style and inscription from approved options
• Includes religious emblem from approved list (over 70 emblems available)

For burial in a private cemetery:

• VA provides a marker but family must apply
• VA Form 40-1330 is the application
• Marker is shipped to the cemetery for installation
• Family pays the local installation fee (often modest)

Headstone options:

• Upright marble (the classic white headstones)
• Flat granite or bronze
• Niche markers for columbaria

Inscription typically includes name, dates, branch, rank, and awards. Religious emblem (if chosen) at the top.

Note: ordering takes 2-6 months. The grave often has a temporary marker until the permanent stone arrives.

Religious or memorial services

These are coordinated by the family with their own faith community or chosen officiant.

If the veteran wasn't actively religious or has no specific faith community, options include:

• A non-religious memorial service led by family
• A military-themed service led by the funeral home
• Combination service (religious + military honors)

Veteran organizations (VFW, American Legion, AMVETS) sometimes provide officiants or speakers for veteran funerals. The funeral home can coordinate.

Arlington National Cemetery — special considerations

Arlington has more restrictive eligibility than other national cemeteries (covered in our burial benefits post). For families considering Arlington:

Casket burial eligibility (more restrictive)

• Military retirees (20+ years)
• Killed in action / died of wounds in combat
• Recipients of certain top awards
• Honorably discharged with permanent disability incurred in service
• Various other specific categories

Inurnment eligibility (broader)

• Honorably discharged veterans

Process

• Application coordinated through Arlington (arlingtoncemetery.mil)
• Wait times can be substantial (especially for casket burial)
• Families sometimes hold a memorial service first and a separate Arlington committal service when scheduled

Considerations

Arlington is special but takes longer than other options. If timing matters, a different national cemetery is often faster. Some families do both — memorial service in their area soon after death, then Arlington committal months later.

Burial allowances (partial reimbursement)

Some burial expenses are partially reimbursed:

• Service-connected death: up to ~$2,200 toward burial expenses
• Non-service-connected death (with VA pension): up to ~$893 plus plot allowance
• Plot allowance for non-national-cemetery burial: up to ~$893

Apply: VA Form 21P-530 (Application for Burial Benefits).

The funeral home can sometimes help with the application. Otherwise the family files directly. Reimbursement comes after.

Presidential Memorial Certificate

A free engraved certificate signed by the sitting President honoring the veteran.

Apply: VA Form 40-0247. Requires DD-214 and death certificate. Can request multiple copies for different family members.

The certificate arrives 4-12 weeks after request. Many families display it framed.

Practical day-of considerations

A few things that come up at veteran funerals specifically:

Dress code

Most military funerals have:

• Family in dark/formal attire (black, navy, dark gray)
• Service members in uniform
• VFW/American Legion members sometimes in their organization vests

There's no strict requirement. Some families specifically request that fellow veterans wear their service dress or uniform if comfortable.

Speakers

Common speakers:

• Family member (eulogy)
• Faith leader (religious portion)
• Military buddy (memorial reflection)
• Officiant from veteran organization

Plan in advance. Have a designated MC if there will be multiple speakers.

Music

Common selections:

• "Amazing Grace"
• Service branch songs (Marine's Hymn, Navy Hymn, Army Goes Rolling Along, etc.)
• "America the Beautiful"
• Faith-tradition selections
• Personal favorites of the deceased

Folding and presenting the flag

A formal moment. The flag is folded into the 13-fold triangle by the honor detail. The folded flag is presented to next of kin with the words "On behalf of the President of the United States, the [branch], and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one's honorable and faithful service."

The recipient of the flag is typically:

• Spouse (first priority)
• Adult child (second)
• Parent (third)
• Sibling or other family

If there's potential for dispute about who receives the flag, discuss it among family in advance.

Post-service reception

Many families hold a reception after the service. VFW posts and American Legion halls sometimes offer space at no or reduced cost for veteran families.

Coordinating with multiple family branches

A few situations to navigate carefully:

Blended families

If the veteran had children from multiple marriages, ensure adult children from earlier relationships are notified appropriately and have a role if they want one.

Estranged family

Some veterans had family members they were estranged from. Decisions about who's invited and what role they play depend on family dynamics. Don't assume.

Far-flung military buddies

Service buddies often want to attend but live far away. If timing allows, a delayed memorial service can accommodate them. Or live-streaming the service can include them.

Veterans organizations

VFW, American Legion, unit-specific organizations often want to honor a passing member. Contacting them allows them to attend, send a representative, or send official condolence.

What family commonly miss

A few things that come up:

Forgetting to apply for the headstone

For private cemetery burials especially, the VA headstone requires application. Many families assume it's automatic; it isn't.

Not requesting honors

The funeral home is supposed to coordinate honors, but in some cases requests don't get made or get made too late. Confirm with the funeral home that honors have been scheduled.

Missing burial allowance

Many families don't apply for the burial allowance because they don't know about it or don't realize they qualify.

Not getting enough death certificates

For all the various benefit applications afterward, you'll need 5-15 certified death certificates. Get them upfront from the funeral home.

Forgetting state benefits

Many states have additional veteran burial benefits (state veteran cemeteries, state-funded honors, etc.). Check the state's veteran affairs office.

Resources

• National Cemetery Scheduling Office: 1-800-535-1117
• VA Burial Benefits Hotline: 1-800-827-1000
• National Cemetery Administration: cem.va.gov
• Arlington National Cemetery: arlingtoncemetery.mil
• TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors): 1-800-959-TAPS — specifically for surviving military families

What to remember

A veteran's funeral can be a meaningful recognition of their service or a generic affair that misses what they earned. The difference is largely planning — knowing what's available, requesting what should be requested, and coordinating with the right offices.

The funeral home does most of the work, but family who knows the options can make sure nothing gets missed: military honors, the flag, the headstone, the Presidential Memorial Certificate, the burial allowance.

Most of what's available is free. All of it requires someone to ask.

In the early days of grief, this work is heavy. But the result — a service that honored their service, a flag presented to family, a headstone that marks their record — is meaningful both for the family in the moment and for visitors to the grave for decades after.

If you're planning right now, work the list. Don't try to memorize everything. The funeral home and TAPS can walk you through. Ask for help.