How to Relocate Your Family: Military to Civilian Move Guide

Bottom Line Up Front

Military moving was easy: orders + movers + housing assigned. Civilian moving is on you. Timeline: 3-6 months to find housing, 1-2 months to actually move, 3-6 months for family to adjust. Cost: $5,000-$20,000 depending on distance and needs. Key: Plan early, communicate with family, help everyone adjust.

The Military vs. Civilian Move

Military Move

Orders provided housing location
Military movers packed/transported
Housing was assigned or you got housing allowance
Most logistics handled by military
Family didn't decide location
Cost: Free (military covered)

Civilian Move

YOU decide location
YOU arrange movers (or do it yourself)
YOU find housing (apartment or house)
YOU handle all logistics
Family can have input
Cost: $3,000-$20,000 out of pocket

This is a LOT more responsibility.

Step-by-Step Relocation Plan

Phase 1: Decide Where to Move (Month 1-2)

Factors to consider:

Where is your new job?
Cost of living in that area
Schools (if kids)
Community/culture fit
Proximity to family/support
Housing market
Job market for spouse (if applicable)

Research:

Look at job locations (are you flexible?)
Research cost of living (how far does your paycheck go?)
Research schools (if kids)
Visit if possible (get feel for area)
Talk to people living there
Check local Facebook groups

Decision:

Decide location by end of month 2
Commit to the location (mentally, emotionally)

Phase 2: Find Housing (Month 2-4)

Options:

1. Apartment

Cost: $1,200-$2,500/month (varies wildly by location)
Pros: Short-term commitment, furnished often, move-in quick
Cons: Limited space, noise, no yard, renters don't love kids/pets
Timeline: Can find and move into in 2-4 weeks

2. House Rental

Cost: $1,500-$3,500/month (varies)
Pros: More space, yard, stability
Cons: Longer lease (usually 1 year), harder to find with pets/kids
Timeline: 1-2 months to find

3. House Purchase

Cost: 20% down payment (maybe $40-100K+), mortgage (depends on price)
Pros: Long-term stability, yours to modify, builds equity
Cons: Slow process (2-3 months), expensive, requires mortgage approval, harder to leave if job changes
Timeline: 2-4 months total

My recommendation for transition: Rent for first year while you figure things out. Buying is commitment you might regret if new job is bad.

Housing search:

Use Zillow, Apartments.com, Craigslist for listings
Google Maps street view (virtual tour)
Check crime rates (NeighborhoodScout.com)
Visit in person if possible (gut feel matters)
Ask locals about neighborhoods
Visit potential schools
Check commute time to job

Timeline: Should have housing picked by end of month 4

Phase 3: Plan the Move (Month 4-5)

Movers:

Get quotes from 3+ moving companies
Compare costs and services
Check reviews
Book movers by month 4 (they book up)

Cost: $3,000-$10,000 depending on distance and amount of stuff

Alternatives to full-service movers:

DIY rental truck ($1,000-$2,000): You pack, move, unpack
Hybrid: Movers pack/load, you drive truck
POD (Pods.com): They drop container, you pack, they pick up ($2,000-$5,000)

What to move:

Inventory what you're moving
Sell/donate things you don't need (reduces moving cost)
Consider leaving military-specific furniture (probably doesn't fit civilian home)

Moving timeline:

Month 4: Get quotes, book movers
Month 5: Start packing, arrange logistics
Week of move: Final logistics, confirm everything
Move day: Execute

Phase 4: Execute Move and Settle (Month 5-6)

Move week:

Confirm movers arrival date/time
Have new home access ready (keys, lease signed)
Arrange utilities (electricity, water, internet)
Change address (USPS, utilities, insurance, etc.)
Final walkthrough at old place
Moving day: Supervise movers
Unpack essentials first (bedding, kitchen, bathroom)

Timeline: 1-2 weeks

Phase 5: Family Adjustment (Months 6-12)

During first month:

Kids meet neighbors, explore neighborhood
Set up school stuff (if applicable)
Find routines (church, gym, grocery store, etc.)
Explore community
Slow process—give it time

Months 1-3:

Kids get settled in school
You make initial friends/connections
Community becomes familiar
Still adjusting

Months 3-6:

Feeling more home-like
Made some friends
Know your neighborhood
Routines established

Months 6-12:

Feel like you live here (not visiting)
Kids have friend groups
You have community/connections
Feels normal

Real timeline: Most families feel settled by month 6-8

Cost Breakdown

Realistic Moving Budget

Low-end move (local, DIY):

DIY truck rental: $1,500
Gas: $200
Moving supplies: $200
Total: ~$2,000

Mid-range move (same region, professional movers):

Professional movers: $5,000
New apartment deposit: $1,500
First month rent: $1,500
Utilities setup: $200
Total: ~$8,200

High-end move (cross-country, buy house):

Professional movers: $8,000
House down payment: $50,000
Closing costs: $5,000
Moving costs related: $2,000
Total: ~$65,000

Most veterans spend $5,000-$15,000 on the move itself.

Help Your Family Adjust

Before Move: Prepare Kids

Month 2-3 before move:

Talk about move (age-appropriate)
Explain why you're moving
Visit new school (if possible)
Show pictures/videos of new area
Let them process emotions (scared/excited both normal)
Connect with school (they'll help with transition)

What kids worry about:

"Will I have friends?"
"What if I don't like the new school?"
"Will I miss my friends?"
"What if the house is ugly?"
"What's wrong with moving?"

What to say:

"You'll make new friends. It takes time."
"Let's stay in touch with your current friends."
"The new place will feel like home soon."
"Our family is together, that's what matters."
"Change is hard, and you're brave."

First Week at New Location

Explore neighborhood together
Find neighborhood park/playground
Visit new school (before first day)
Meet neighbors
Set up kids' rooms (their space, their choice)
Unpack familiar toys/comfort items (creates normalcy)
Don't overschedule (give them time to adjust)

School Transition (If applicable)

Before school starts:

Attend school orientation if available
Meet teacher (if possible)
Get school supply list
Help kids with anxiety (normal)
Have them pick out new backpack/supplies (makes it theirs)

First week:

Pick them up on time (consistency matters)
Ask about their day (listen, don't just input)
Don't push making friends (happens naturally)
Validate their feelings
Keep other routines consistent (bedtime, meals, etc.)

Weeks 2-4:

Kids usually adjust quickly (kids are resilient)
By week 4, school feels normal
First friendships forming by week 3-4

Real data: Most kids adjust to new school in 3-4 weeks. Parents often take longer.

Spouse/Family Adjustment

For your spouse:

Help them find friends (groups, church, etc.)
Support their job search if applicable
Don't expect them to instantly love it
Give it 3-6 months before deciding if you hate it
Regularly check in: "How are you doing?"

For yourself:

Find a community quickly (gym, church, hobby group)
Network for job/social reasons
Be patient with yourself too
Remember: You knew this was coming; they didn't

Common Challenges and Solutions

Challenge #1: "We hate the new place"

Timeline: Most people feel this at month 1-2. Changes by month 3-4.

Solution:

Give it 3 months minimum
Invest in making it home (decorate, find routines)
Find community (friends, activities)
Some people genuinely don't fit the area—decide after 3-6 months

Challenge #2: "Kids won't adjust"

Reality: Kids actually adjust faster than parents usually.

Timeline: Most kids feel normal by week 4 of school.

If actually struggling:

Talk to school (they help with transitions)
Consider counselor
Maintain friendships from old place (video calls, visits)
Be patient

Challenge #3: "Spouse is struggling"

Common: New location + spouse identity crisis = rough time.

Solution:

Help them find community quickly
Encourage hobbies/interests
Support job search
Regular check-ins
Consider counseling

Challenge #4: "Moving costs are breaking budget"

Solution:

Remember: It's temporary pain
Some costs are one-time
Once settled, budget stabilizes
Keep emergency fund separate

FAQ

Q: Should we move before or after starting job? A: After. Start job in temporary housing, then move. Gives you time to find right place.

Q: Can we afford to rent first year? A: Probably yes. Most people do. Buying is long-term commitment.

Q: How do we help kids stay connected to old friends? A: Video calls, visits if possible, social media. But don't dwell on old place.

Q: What if we hate the new area after 3 months? A: Give it 6 months. If still hate it, plan to leave after job tenure minimum (usually 2 years).

Q: How do we make new place feel like home? A: Decorate, set up routines, find community, explore neighborhood. Takes time but happens.

Action Plan

Month 1-2: Decide Location

Research areas
Decide where to move
Commit mentally to the location

Month 2-4: Find Housing

House hunt
Visit in person if possible
Sign lease/contract by end of month 4

Month 4-5: Plan Move

Month 5-6: Execute Move

Move day/week
Unpack and settle
Set up school
Explore neighborhood

Month 6-12: Adjust

Family settles into school
You find community/friends
Build routines
Treat it like home

By month 6-8, you should feel settled. By month 12, it should feel normal.

Remember: Moves are hard on families. It's okay if everyone is grumpy for month 1. By month 3, you'll wonder why you were so worried. You've got this.

How to Relocate Your Family: Military to Civilian Move Guide

Bottom Line Up Front

The Military vs. Civilian Move

Military Move

Orders provided housing location
Military movers packed/transported
Housing was assigned or you got housing allowance
Most logistics handled by military
Family didn't decide location
Cost: Free (military covered)

Civilian Move

YOU decide location
YOU arrange movers (or do it yourself)
YOU find housing (apartment or house)
YOU handle all logistics
Family can have input
Cost: $3,000-$20,000 out of pocket

This is a LOT more responsibility.

Step-by-Step Relocation Plan

Phase 1: Decide Where to Move (Month 1-2)

Factors to consider:

Where is your new job?
Cost of living in that area
Schools (if kids)
Community/culture fit
Proximity to family/support
Housing market
Job market for spouse (if applicable)

Research:

Look at job locations (are you flexible?)
Research cost of living (how far does your paycheck go?)
Research schools (if kids)
Visit if possible (get feel for area)
Talk to people living there
Check local Facebook groups

Decision:

Decide location by end of month 2
Commit to the location (mentally, emotionally)

Phase 2: Find Housing (Month 2-4)

Options:

1. Apartment

Cost: $1,200-$2,500/month (varies wildly by location)
Pros: Short-term commitment, furnished often, move-in quick
Cons: Limited space, noise, no yard, renters don't love kids/pets
Timeline: Can find and move into in 2-4 weeks

2. House Rental

Cost: $1,500-$3,500/month (varies)
Pros: More space, yard, stability
Cons: Longer lease (usually 1 year), harder to find with pets/kids
Timeline: 1-2 months to find

3. House Purchase

Cost: 20% down payment (maybe $40-100K+), mortgage (depends on price)
Pros: Long-term stability, yours to modify, builds equity
Cons: Slow process (2-3 months), expensive, requires mortgage approval, harder to leave if job changes
Timeline: 2-4 months total

My recommendation for transition: Rent for first year while you figure things out. Buying is commitment you might regret if new job is bad.

Housing search:

Use Zillow, Apartments.com, Craigslist for listings
Google Maps street view (virtual tour)
Check crime rates (NeighborhoodScout.com)
Visit in person if possible (gut feel matters)
Ask locals about neighborhoods
Visit potential schools
Check commute time to job

Timeline: Should have housing picked by end of month 4

Phase 3: Plan the Move (Month 4-5)

Movers:

Get quotes from 3+ moving companies
Compare costs and services
Check reviews
Book movers by month 4 (they book up)

Cost: $3,000-$10,000 depending on distance and amount of stuff

Alternatives to full-service movers:

DIY rental truck ($1,000-$2,000): You pack, move, unpack
Hybrid: Movers pack/load, you drive truck
POD (Pods.com): They drop container, you pack, they pick up ($2,000-$5,000)

What to move:

Inventory what you're moving
Sell/donate things you don't need (reduces moving cost)
Consider leaving military-specific furniture (probably doesn't fit civilian home)

Moving timeline:

Month 4: Get quotes, book movers
Month 5: Start packing, arrange logistics
Week of move: Final logistics, confirm everything
Move day: Execute

Phase 4: Execute Move and Settle (Month 5-6)

Move week:

Confirm movers arrival date/time
Have new home access ready (keys, lease signed)
Arrange utilities (electricity, water, internet)
Change address (USPS, utilities, insurance, etc.)
Final walkthrough at old place
Moving day: Supervise movers
Unpack essentials first (bedding, kitchen, bathroom)

Timeline: 1-2 weeks

Phase 5: Family Adjustment (Months 6-12)

During first month:

Kids meet neighbors, explore neighborhood
Set up school stuff (if applicable)
Find routines (church, gym, grocery store, etc.)
Explore community
Slow process—give it time

Months 1-3:

Kids get settled in school
You make initial friends/connections
Community becomes familiar
Still adjusting

Months 3-6:

Feeling more home-like
Made some friends
Know your neighborhood
Routines established

Months 6-12:

Feel like you live here (not visiting)
Kids have friend groups
You have community/connections
Feels normal

Real timeline: Most families feel settled by month 6-8

Cost Breakdown

Realistic Moving Budget

Low-end move (local, DIY):

DIY truck rental: $1,500
Gas: $200
Moving supplies: $200
Total: ~$2,000

Mid-range move (same region, professional movers):

Professional movers: $5,000
New apartment deposit: $1,500
First month rent: $1,500
Utilities setup: $200
Total: ~$8,200

High-end move (cross-country, buy house):

Professional movers: $8,000
House down payment: $50,000
Closing costs: $5,000
Moving costs related: $2,000
Total: ~$65,000

Most veterans spend $5,000-$15,000 on the move itself.

Help Your Family Adjust

Before Move: Prepare Kids

Month 2-3 before move:

Talk about move (age-appropriate)
Explain why you're moving
Visit new school (if possible)
Show pictures/videos of new area
Let them process emotions (scared/excited both normal)
Connect with school (they'll help with transition)

What kids worry about:

"Will I have friends?"
"What if I don't like the new school?"
"Will I miss my friends?"
"What if the house is ugly?"
"What's wrong with moving?"

What to say:

"You'll make new friends. It takes time."
"Let's stay in touch with your current friends."
"The new place will feel like home soon."
"Our family is together, that's what matters."
"Change is hard, and you're brave."

First Week at New Location

Explore neighborhood together
Find neighborhood park/playground
Visit new school (before first day)
Meet neighbors
Set up kids' rooms (their space, their choice)
Unpack familiar toys/comfort items (creates normalcy)
Don't overschedule (give them time to adjust)

School Transition (If applicable)

Before school starts:

Attend school orientation if available
Meet teacher (if possible)
Get school supply list
Help kids with anxiety (normal)
Have them pick out new backpack/supplies (makes it theirs)

First week:

Pick them up on time (consistency matters)
Ask about their day (listen, don't just input)
Don't push making friends (happens naturally)
Validate their feelings
Keep other routines consistent (bedtime, meals, etc.)

Weeks 2-4:

Kids usually adjust quickly (kids are resilient)
By week 4, school feels normal
First friendships forming by week 3-4

Real data: Most kids adjust to new school in 3-4 weeks. Parents often take longer.

Spouse/Family Adjustment

For your spouse:

Help them find friends (groups, church, etc.)
Support their job search if applicable
Don't expect them to instantly love it
Give it 3-6 months before deciding if you hate it
Regularly check in: "How are you doing?"

For yourself:

Find a community quickly (gym, church, hobby group)
Network for job/social reasons
Be patient with yourself too
Remember: You knew this was coming; they didn't

Common Challenges and Solutions

Challenge #1: "We hate the new place"

Timeline: Most people feel this at month 1-2. Changes by month 3-4.

Solution:

Give it 3 months minimum
Invest in making it home (decorate, find routines)
Find community (friends, activities)
Some people genuinely don't fit the area—decide after 3-6 months

Challenge #2: "Kids won't adjust"

Reality: Kids actually adjust faster than parents usually.

Timeline: Most kids feel normal by week 4 of school.

If actually struggling:

Talk to school (they help with transitions)
Consider counselor
Maintain friendships from old place (video calls, visits)
Be patient

Challenge #3: "Spouse is struggling"

Common: New location + spouse identity crisis = rough time.

Solution:

Help them find community quickly
Encourage hobbies/interests
Support job search
Regular check-ins
Consider counseling

Challenge #4: "Moving costs are breaking budget"

Solution:

Remember: It's temporary pain
Some costs are one-time
Once settled, budget stabilizes
Keep emergency fund separate

FAQ

Q: Should we move before or after starting job? A: After. Start job in temporary housing, then move. Gives you time to find right place.

Q: Can we afford to rent first year? A: Probably yes. Most people do. Buying is long-term commitment.

Q: How do we help kids stay connected to old friends? A: Video calls, visits if possible, social media. But don't dwell on old place.

Q: What if we hate the new area after 3 months? A: Give it 6 months. If still hate it, plan to leave after job tenure minimum (usually 2 years).

Q: How do we make new place feel like home? A: Decorate, set up routines, find community, explore neighborhood. Takes time but happens.

Action Plan

Month 1-2: Decide Location

Research areas
Decide where to move
Commit mentally to the location

Month 2-4: Find Housing

House hunt
Visit in person if possible
Sign lease/contract by end of month 4

Month 4-5: Plan Move

Month 5-6: Execute Move

Move day/week
Unpack and settle
Set up school
Explore neighborhood

Month 6-12: Adjust

Family settles into school
You find community/friends
Build routines
Treat it like home

By month 6-8, you should feel settled. By month 12, it should feel normal.

Remember: Moves are hard on families. It's okay if everyone is grumpy for month 1. By month 3, you'll wonder why you were so worried. You've got this.