How to Relocate Your Family: Military to Civilian Move Guide

Bottom Line Up Front

Military moving was easy: orders + movers + housing assigned. Civilian moving is on you. Timeline: 3-6 months to find housing, 1-2 months to actually move, 3-6 months for family to adjust. Cost: $5,000-$20,000 depending on distance and needs. Key: Plan early, communicate with family, help everyone adjust.

The Military vs. Civilian Move

Military Move

• Orders provided housing location
• Military movers packed/transported
• Housing was assigned or you got housing allowance
• Most logistics handled by military
• Family didn't decide location
• Cost: Free (military covered)

Civilian Move

• YOU decide location
• YOU arrange movers (or do it yourself)
• YOU find housing (apartment or house)
• YOU handle all logistics
• Family can have input
• Cost: $3,000-$20,000 out of pocket

This is a LOT more responsibility.

Step-by-Step Relocation Plan

Phase 1: Decide Where to Move (Month 1-2)

Factors to consider:

• Where is your new job?
• Cost of living in that area
• Schools (if kids)
• Community/culture fit
• Proximity to family/support
• Housing market
• Job market for spouse (if applicable)

Research:

• Look at job locations (are you flexible?)
• Research cost of living (how far does your paycheck go?)
• Research schools (if kids)
• Visit if possible (get feel for area)
• Talk to people living there
• Check local Facebook groups

Decision:

• Decide location by end of month 2
• Commit to the location (mentally, emotionally)

Phase 2: Find Housing (Month 2-4)

Options:

1. Apartment

• Cost: $1,200-$2,500/month (varies wildly by location)
• Pros: Short-term commitment, furnished often, move-in quick
• Cons: Limited space, noise, no yard, renters don't love kids/pets
• Timeline: Can find and move into in 2-4 weeks

2. House Rental

• Cost: $1,500-$3,500/month (varies)
• Pros: More space, yard, stability
• Cons: Longer lease (usually 1 year), harder to find with pets/kids
• Timeline: 1-2 months to find

3. House Purchase

• Cost: 20% down payment (maybe $40-100K+), mortgage (depends on price)
• Pros: Long-term stability, yours to modify, builds equity
• Cons: Slow process (2-3 months), expensive, requires mortgage approval, harder to leave if job changes
• Timeline: 2-4 months total

My recommendation for transition: Rent for first year while you figure things out. Buying is commitment you might regret if new job is bad.

Housing search:

• Use Zillow, Apartments.com, Craigslist for listings
• Google Maps street view (virtual tour)
• Check crime rates (NeighborhoodScout.com)
• Visit in person if possible (gut feel matters)
• Ask locals about neighborhoods
• Visit potential schools
• Check commute time to job

Timeline: Should have housing picked by end of month 4

Phase 3: Plan the Move (Month 4-5)

Movers:

• Get quotes from 3+ moving companies
• Compare costs and services
• Check reviews
• Book movers by month 4 (they book up)

Cost: $3,000-$10,000 depending on distance and amount of stuff

Alternatives to full-service movers:

• DIY rental truck ($1,000-$2,000): You pack, move, unpack
• Hybrid: Movers pack/load, you drive truck
• POD (Pods.com): They drop container, you pack, they pick up ($2,000-$5,000)

What to move:

• Inventory what you're moving
• Sell/donate things you don't need (reduces moving cost)
• Consider leaving military-specific furniture (probably doesn't fit civilian home)

Moving timeline:

• Month 4: Get quotes, book movers
• Month 5: Start packing, arrange logistics
• Week of move: Final logistics, confirm everything
• Move day: Execute

Phase 4: Execute Move and Settle (Month 5-6)

Move week:

• Confirm movers arrival date/time
• Have new home access ready (keys, lease signed)
• Arrange utilities (electricity, water, internet)
• Change address (USPS, utilities, insurance, etc.)
• Final walkthrough at old place
• Moving day: Supervise movers
• Unpack essentials first (bedding, kitchen, bathroom)

Timeline: 1-2 weeks

Phase 5: Family Adjustment (Months 6-12)

During first month:

• Kids meet neighbors, explore neighborhood
• Set up school stuff (if applicable)
• Find routines (church, gym, grocery store, etc.)
• Explore community
• Slow process—give it time

Months 1-3:

• Kids get settled in school
• You make initial friends/connections
• Community becomes familiar
• Still adjusting

Months 3-6:

• Feeling more home-like
• Made some friends
• Know your neighborhood
• Routines established

Months 6-12:

• Feel like you live here (not visiting)
• Kids have friend groups
• You have community/connections
• Feels normal

Real timeline: Most families feel settled by month 6-8

Cost Breakdown

Realistic Moving Budget

Low-end move (local, DIY):

• DIY truck rental: $1,500
• Gas: $200
• Moving supplies: $200
• Total: ~$2,000

Mid-range move (same region, professional movers):

• Professional movers: $5,000
• New apartment deposit: $1,500
• First month rent: $1,500
• Utilities setup: $200
• Total: ~$8,200

High-end move (cross-country, buy house):

• Professional movers: $8,000
• House down payment: $50,000
• Closing costs: $5,000
• Moving costs related: $2,000
• Total: ~$65,000

Most veterans spend $5,000-$15,000 on the move itself.

Help Your Family Adjust

Before Move: Prepare Kids

Month 2-3 before move:

• Talk about move (age-appropriate)
• Explain why you're moving
• Visit new school (if possible)
• Show pictures/videos of new area
• Let them process emotions (scared/excited both normal)
• Connect with school (they'll help with transition)

What kids worry about:

• "Will I have friends?"
• "What if I don't like the new school?"
• "Will I miss my friends?"
• "What if the house is ugly?"
• "What's wrong with moving?"

What to say:

• "You'll make new friends. It takes time."
• "Let's stay in touch with your current friends."
• "The new place will feel like home soon."
• "Our family is together, that's what matters."
• "Change is hard, and you're brave."

First Week at New Location

• Explore neighborhood together
• Find neighborhood park/playground
• Visit new school (before first day)
• Meet neighbors
• Set up kids' rooms (their space, their choice)
• Unpack familiar toys/comfort items (creates normalcy)
• Don't overschedule (give them time to adjust)

School Transition (If applicable)

Before school starts:

• Attend school orientation if available
• Meet teacher (if possible)
• Get school supply list
• Help kids with anxiety (normal)
• Have them pick out new backpack/supplies (makes it theirs)

First week:

• Pick them up on time (consistency matters)
• Ask about their day (listen, don't just input)
• Don't push making friends (happens naturally)
• Validate their feelings
• Keep other routines consistent (bedtime, meals, etc.)

Weeks 2-4:

• Kids usually adjust quickly (kids are resilient)
• By week 4, school feels normal
• First friendships forming by week 3-4

Real data: Most kids adjust to new school in 3-4 weeks. Parents often take longer.

Spouse/Family Adjustment

For your spouse:

• Help them find friends (groups, church, etc.)
• Support their job search if applicable
• Don't expect them to instantly love it
• Give it 3-6 months before deciding if you hate it
• Regularly check in: "How are you doing?"

For yourself:

• Find a community quickly (gym, church, hobby group)
• Network for job/social reasons
• Be patient with yourself too
• Remember: You knew this was coming; they didn't

Common Challenges and Solutions

Challenge #1: "We hate the new place"

Timeline: Most people feel this at month 1-2. Changes by month 3-4.

Solution:

• Give it 3 months minimum
• Invest in making it home (decorate, find routines)
• Find community (friends, activities)
• Some people genuinely don't fit the area—decide after 3-6 months

Challenge #2: "Kids won't adjust"

Reality: Kids actually adjust faster than parents usually.

Timeline: Most kids feel normal by week 4 of school.

If actually struggling:

• Talk to school (they help with transitions)
• Consider counselor
• Maintain friendships from old place (video calls, visits)
• Be patient

Challenge #3: "Spouse is struggling"

Common: New location + spouse identity crisis = rough time.

Solution:

• Help them find community quickly
• Encourage hobbies/interests
• Support job search
• Regular check-ins
• Consider counseling

Challenge #4: "Moving costs are breaking budget"

Solution:

• Remember: It's temporary pain
• Some costs are one-time
• Once settled, budget stabilizes
• Keep emergency fund separate

FAQ

Q: Should we move before or after starting job? A: After. Start job in temporary housing, then move. Gives you time to find right place.

Q: Can we afford to rent first year? A: Probably yes. Most people do. Buying is long-term commitment.

Q: How do we help kids stay connected to old friends? A: Video calls, visits if possible, social media. But don't dwell on old place.

Q: What if we hate the new area after 3 months? A: Give it 6 months. If still hate it, plan to leave after job tenure minimum (usually 2 years).

Q: How do we make new place feel like home? A: Decorate, set up routines, find community, explore neighborhood. Takes time but happens.

Action Plan

Month 1-2: Decide Location

• Research areas
• Decide where to move
• Commit mentally to the location

Month 2-4: Find Housing

• House hunt
• Visit in person if possible
• Sign lease/contract by end of month 4

Month 4-5: Plan Move

• Get moving quotes
• Book movers
• Arrange utilities
• Start packing
• Prepare family for move

Month 5-6: Execute Move

• Move day/week
• Unpack and settle
• Set up school
• Explore neighborhood

Month 6-12: Adjust

• Family settles into school
• You find community/friends
• Build routines
• Treat it like home

By month 6-8, you should feel settled. By month 12, it should feel normal.

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Remember: Moves are hard on families. It's okay if everyone is grumpy for month 1. By month 3, you'll wonder why you were so worried. You've got this.

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Sources: VA.gov, Military OneSource, Benefits.gov